Contemplating Darkness

I don't think it's possible to talk about light without also talking about darkness. Whether it's the darkness in ourselves or the darkness in others, that which we ignore or avoid for the sake of "thinking positively" or "being optimistic," tends to expand rather than shrink. Of course there are times to seek encouragement, reframe a difficult situation, and maintain hope and faith.

Yet, sometimes it is necessary to descend into our own darkness because we can come out stronger on the other side. We find that instead of drowning, we learned to swim and found fresh air and a new perspective. Robert Frost said that "The best way out is always through." This is a quote that has given me strength to persevere and push through whatever challenges I am going through to get to the other side. Some challenges will rear their ugly head again and it is precisely because I thoroughly went through it the first time, that the second time around is quicker. I have built mastery in facing those challenges.

What are your thoughts on light and darkness? How does it feel when you emerge on the other side? Or what lessons have you learned?

Keep an Open Mind...

Growing up on the West Coast, it’s pretty difficult to have anything but an open mind. When it comes to how people dress, express themselves, whom they love, what they believe, and who they are, it’s pretty much live and let live. Being open-minded comes easily to me, as I’m sure it does to many social workers and social-justice minded people. Yet, I’m reminded of a quote by one of my college professors: “Keep an open mind, but not so open that your brain falls out.”

Whether someone is trying to sell you some snake oil, feed you a line, tell you a tall tale, or just try to manipulate you into bending to their will, keep an open mind, but check it out first. If it smells like bunk, looks like bunk, talks like bunk, walks like bunk, well, you get the idea. And if you do get “bunk’d,” well, at least you’ll know what to look for next time!

In the words of The Honorable, Judge Judy Sheindlin, “Don’t Pee on My Leg and Tell Me It’s Raining.” http://www.amazon.com/Dont-Pee-Leg-Tell-Raining/dp/0060927941

Do things get better?

I find a lot of inspiration in music. I love listening to heartfelt songs about life's struggles and joys. I turn to music for encouragement, emotional expression, and healing. I first heard Howard Jones’ music in 2011. I was going through a transition, and I had a lot of fear and anxiety about the future. His song “Things Can Only Get Better,” seemed to be speaking to exactly what I was feeling. Lyrics and song here: http://www.lyricsfreak.com/h/howard+jones/things+can+only+get+better_20066153.html

The line that particularly stood out to me was “And do you feel scared? I do, but I won’t stop and falter.” It was actually this line that prompted me to Google the lyrics and find the song, and led me to other songs of his that I enjoy. They are deliciously 80s style, which is awesome!

Yet, as much as I enjoy the song, I’m not sure that things do, in fact, get better. What I’m thinking instead is that we get better at handling the bad things, the difficult things, and the scary things. By building confidence in our ability to handle the bad things, our lives can get better. We begin to know ourselves, learn what calms us down, find out who to call in a crisis, and have faith that we can handle this bad thing just like we have handled others in the past. For if we’ve been through the situation before, we already know the actions we need to take to resolve it, and are able to implement them more quickly and skillfully than we may have in the past.

What do you think? Do things get better? How have you overcome difficult situations? What got you through?

An Aggressively Balanced Life

Those who know me know that I love listening to motivational videos and speakers on YouTube. One of my favorites is a series called Metal Motivation by C.J. Ortiz. Now, before you ask, I’m not really a fan of metal music (or at least I haven’t become one yet). However, his authenticity and no-nonsense approach to handling and overcoming life’s challenges has really helped me to accomplish my goals and “be relentless,” a phrase he uses often. I have to admit, lately I’ve been feeling pretty unstoppable!

One of the biggest takeaways I found in this series was to learn how to be aggressive in my approach to life, or more specifically to live what I call “an aggressively balanced life.” This means that even when I have a full course load, two part-time jobs and a million things on my to-do list, I cram social events and adventures into my calendar. I work my calendar until it bursts at the seams but really, I would’ve spent that time procrastinating online anyway. I may as well be intentional about my time and spend it hanging out with friends, going to an art class, doing beadwork, or taking a last-minute trip. Then I come back to my work refreshed and ready to be productive again! Sometimes I’ll even go to “church with friends,” kind of like words with friends, but if I haven’t seen a friend in a while and our schedules are just too busy to make it work, I’ll simply ask if I can tag along with them to church.

What kinds of things do you do to stay in balance? Or radically shift back to a balanced state? Are you as big of a fan of motivational videos on YouTube as I am? Share your recommendations below!

Integrity Says...

At my MSW graduation, our commencement speaker gave us one final homework assignment. She shared her values with us, which are rooted in indigenous values: Respect, Reciprocity, Responsibility, and Balance. Then she encouraged us to identify our own. As she is one of my mentors, and I have worked with her since the summer of 2013, I had technically already completed the assignment. Yet, I have decided to do it again, and would like to share my personal and professional values with you.

As a social worker, there are certain professional values each of us must carry out and adhere to, and they form the basis of the Code of Ethics of the National Association of Social Workers (NASW). These are:

1. service
2. social justice
3. dignity and worth of the person
4. importance of human relationships
5. integrity
6. competence

From: http://mtweb.mtsu.edu/kglancas/core_values_and_principles.htm

The values of my profession are also in line with my personal values. Additional values I hold and practice are: conscientiousness, humility, gentleness, trustworthiness, and love. These values come from my heart, and I personally believe they are gifts from my Creator. Each of us is unique, and our values may be inherent from birth or developed over a lifetime, or a combination of both. Whether our values come from our hearts, our families, our profession, our friends, our communities, our religious or spiritual beliefs, or from a place we cannot identify, they can help guide us in our decision-making process at work, in relationships, and in life.

C.S. Lewis wrote that “Integrity is doing the right thing, even when no one is watching.” Yet, someone is always watching. Each of us is our own constant companion and observer of our thoughts, actions, and behaviors. We are always watching ourselves and our choices. Sometimes, due to power dynamics or abuse, we do not have a choice or our choices are limited. Yet, there is great freedom in the choices we do have. How liberating it is to know that we are in control of our choices and actions! In a world full of greed, lies, and violence, each of us still has a choice to be the kind of person who lives with integrity. My field instructor last year would talk with me during supervision about ethical dilemmas and making decisions about how to proceed in them, frequently starting the conversation with “Integrity says...” This has stuck with me, and I have continued to apply what integrity says in each situation in both my professional and personal life.

In a world where we cannot control the choices of others or how others treat us, integrity says that we can control our own choices and make decisions that honor our values. By leading with our values, we show others who we are, and by maintaining consistency in applying our values, our lives become easier, more intentional, and I would argue, more joyful. I was fortunate to have had the opportunity to think about and identify my values in middle school and high school leadership classes, through conversations with family members and professional mentors, through college coursework both inside and outside of the classroom, and throughout my twenties (the majority of which I have spent in graduate school). I am able to articulate my values to my peers, to friends, colleagues, and to prospective significant others. Identifying and living by my values has allowed me to leave, address, or avoid unhealthy or unethical situations, to hold my head up high, and to have full faith and trust in myself.

What are your core values? Do they differ from the values of your profession? How have your values changed over time? Comment below and add to the conversation!

A Point of Light

For a few years now, I have been told that I should start a blog. On my first day as a newly minted social worker, today feels like a good day to shine some light and love from this corner of the internet.

There is so much darkness in the world--judgement, hate, and oppression. I do not know where it comes from, and I do not know how to fix it. I don't proclaim to have the answers. I still have much to learn.

Yet, I am feeling called to be a point of light, and work toward sharing that light with others. I was raised on a steady diet of Randy Travis, Ray Charles, and Van Morrison. One of my favorite Randy Travis songs is "Point of Light."

Here is a link to the video on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8qiBjtI4MLc

I love how he runs out on stage to start the song.

May we all be so enthusiastic to be a light in the darkness!

Chi Hullo Li (I Love You)